THE FUNNIEST HEIST YOU'LL NEVER SEE...

They've got one last shot at glory...and possibly jail time. A crew of ageing criminals reunite for the ultimate heist - but these days, their biggest enemy might be arthritis.

THE FILM.

Crooks is a slick, clever, laugh-out-loud comedy short about a group of retired wrong’uns dusting off their balaclavas for “one last job.” What starts as a daring, precision-timed heist quickly spirals into chaos: think Ocean’s Eleven...if Ocean’s Eleven was run by Del Boy.

Down on his luck, Smudger is hurtling towards old age far quicker than he would like. Determined not to retire a loser, he gathers his cronies for one last job: they’re going to rob the bookies.

His gang of hardened criminals, however, are less enthused with yet another one of Smudger’s dangerous schemes; Al is riddled with arthritis and would rather have a quiet cup of tea, youngster Mark is fresh out of a prison stint and still trying to remember his ABCs, while Jacko is as deaf as a post and twice as useless.

Gathered in his niece’s East End pub under the cover of darkness, Smudger thinks his plan is foolproof. But when Liz appears, she throws a spanner in the works, threatening to blow their cover unless they cut her in for half.

It’s a battle of wits and wobbly knees as the hapless crooks attempt to pull off the heist of their lives.

THE CAST.

THE LOCATION.

We’ve found the perfect boozer to stage our very serious, highly professional business meeting (translation: filming our super slick heist film). The venue? The Edgar Wallace in Temple, London - a pub so full of character it deserves its own credit. With walls and ceilings plastered in beer mats, coasters, and stories from nights best forgotten, it feels like the pub itself might join the gang.

If the walls could talk… they’d spill more than pints.

WHY WE'RE MAKING IT.

We love classic heist movies. We love British comedy. So we’re mashing them together into something fresh, fun and just a little bit ridiculous.

Also, frankly, the world could do with more laughter right now — and what’s funnier than a criminal mastermind who can’t even open a door properly?!

THE TEAM.

Our crew isn’t just the characters you see on screen. It’s the backstage gang too. We’re a team of passionate, slightly obsessive filmmakers with a knack for telling tight, funny stories on a shoestring budget.

THE DIRECTOR - JOE McGOWAN

Joe is a London born and Essex-raised award winning filmmaker with over ten years of experience as a director and editor in the TV commercial and branded content world. Comedy caught his eyes and ears at a young age, listening to Blackadder cassette tapes late into the night and being shattered for school the next day. His love of comedy and passion for filmmaking allows him to explore the funny, silly, and absurd and have an absolute blast doing so! He's worked with the likes of Harry Kane, Myuna Chawawa, Prue Leigh, and Sophie Ellis-Bextor for high-profile clients such as Google, Yahoo, Waitrose, and American Express to name a few.

Joe’s comedy work has racked up millions of views across social media, won numerous awards across film festivals in the UK and Internationally, and has been featured on BBC Radio. Not bad for an Essex boy!

P is for Penis - a short film written and directed by Joe McGowan

Couple Noises -  a short film written and directed by Joe McGowan

THE PRODUCER - ANNIE LEES-JONES

Annie is an award winning comedy actress and producer. After an extensive career on stage & screen, she returned to education earning distinction in two degrees. Her films have since gone on to be both BAFTA/BIFA and Oscar qualifying and was recently WINNER ‘BEST COMEDY’ at Flicker’s’, Rhode Island, ‘BEST BRITISH COMEDY’ at Discover Film, and winner of the AUDIENCE CHOICE AWARD at this years BFI London Film Festival. Other notable selections include shortlisted for the 1.4 Film Awards of Brilliant Filmmaking and recent winner as producer on LIKE BUSES with the Centerframe 'Get It Made' competition. This year Annie is selected for the Film London New Talent Strand and will attend the Production Finance Market (PFM). She is currently developing four feature films—including one through the Elstree Studios Propeller Programme and a UK-Italy co-production —as well as a television series with BBC Director Ian Aryeh, and is attached to several standout, as-yet-undisclosed projects.

Annie’s comedic background and unwavering passion for the art of storytelling through character-drive narratives have been the driving force behind her career. ‘I love stories that combine the absurd and the funny with great characters thrown in the mix. Films that leave you laughing and wanting more. Crooks is a fabulous group of bumbling men played by a genuine group of onscreen comedic talent attempting far beyond their capabilities as slick, cunning robbers.’

Two Minutes - a short film produced by Annie Lees-Jones

THE WRITER AND PRODUCER - JO BAXTER

Jo is a writer, actor and producer. Her debut short film, Scatter, was filmed in August and will be hitting the film festivals soon.

With a love for crafting new stories, especially in the world of comedy, the joy of storytelling captivates her - transforming a simple idea into a complete piece of entertainment, often with an unexpected twist, is a thrilling journey.

“Comedy has always been a part of my life, and I firmly believe it has the power to unite people in a unique way. It’s a remarkable experience to bring creative visions to fruition, and it fills my heart with joy.”

THE MONEY.

Here’s where your hard-earned (or nicked - we’re not judging) cash will go:

• Cast & Crew Fees – Talented people deserve to eat.
• Location Hire – Not just any old building will do. We’ve found the perfect boozer in the heart of London tahn.
• Costume & Props – Balaclavas, fake cash, a well used baseball bat and a hearing aid as useful as a chocolate teapot.
• Equipment Hire – Cameras, lights, sound kit. These things ain’t free.
• Post-Production – Editing, sound design, and music to give it that proper cinematic heist vibe.
• Festival Fees – So Crooks can steal hearts around the world.

WHY CROWDFUND?

Because films like this don’t get made without support from people who want to see something different, something that isn’t a reboot, a remake, or a sequel.

Also… our criminal characters are terrible at money. If we left it to them, they’d blow the budget on tea and biscuits before day one.

THE RISKS.

Well… it’s a film about a heist that goes wrong, so we understand if you’re a little twitchy about handing over some dough. That said, we’ve got the team, the script, and the drive to pull this off (unlike our characters).

The only thing missing is your support.

HOW YOU CAN HELP.

• Donate - even the price of coffee makes a difference.
• Share - tell your mates, post on socials, open your windows and shout about it (preferably without breaking in...)
• Join - be part of Crooks in whatever way you can.

Let’s make a film that proves you’re never too old to achieve your dreams.

THE DIRECTORIAL VISION.

When I first read the script for Crooks, I was immediately excited to get onboard with this project. The theme of delusion portraying itself as fantasy is such a hilarious concept for a short, as well as a fantastic range of strong characters to pull it off. The recipe of a rag tag bunch of over-the-hill convicts, a young uninterested slacker and a sharp-as-a-tack landlady robbing a bookmakers is right up my street. What Jo Baxter has written in nine hilarious pages is witty, snappy and most importantly, fun.

Smudger is convinced this his master plan will go off without a hitch, so I want to really play up his overconfidence with an overly dramatic heist scene as he relays the plan to the gang: whip pans, rapid-fire editing, an Ocean’s Eleven-like soundtrack. This sequence will culminate with the gang celebrating a job well done with champagne, money guns and confetti. Shoot this in slow motion and then speed ramping certain shots will be the cherry on top of Smudger’s fantasy. It’ll be doubly as effective when we shoot the same sequences with Liz shot-for-shot, as she’s the one that pulled off Smudger’s scheme before he could.

Chuck in a banging club track as they dance and let loose will wrap up this scene perfectly.

The cinematography in the pub while the gang bicker and scheme will be very still and controlled. Locked off shots on tripods that stick to mostly wide and mid-range shots of each character, all whilst being dimly lit and moody. When the film transitions into the exaggerated heist and celebration scenes, splashes of coloured key lighting will accompany the more dynamic Edgar Wright-style transitions and cinematography. Close up shots of the lock being picked, the safe combination along with the smug reactions of the characters as they pull off their end of the grand plan. A more free flowing camera and disco lights will be front and centre for the celebration scene. It would be rude not to.

Joe McGowan, Director

THE REWARDS.

We look after our own. If you are loyal to us, we’re generous right back:

• £10 - A THANK YOU on screen. Your name in lights - like a proper accomplice
• £25 - A thank you on screen and a signed script straight from the scene of the crime
• £50 - a 30 minute online Q&A about the film with the brains of the operation (the writer, director and producer) and first dibs on the trailer
• £75 - A personalised video from the cast on set to say thanks
• £100 - a 60 minute behind-closed-doors chat with the writer, director or producer about your own caper, plus a sneaky first look at the film
• £250 - 2 VIP tickets to the UK screening including a meet and greet with the gang (cast and crew)
• £500 - Executive Producer credit & 2 VIP tickets to the UK screening - you’re family now
• £1,000 - the whole shebang. The full haul. Every perk. The lot.